confessions of a dangerous mind

drumstarr @ 2009-02-15T20:54:00

2009-02-15T13:07:02Z

There's that one moment, when you thought you've become everything but you were nothing. And everything became a hazy yesterday, hardly even a memory to hold.

The ephemeral moments in life serve to remind us that destiny is a continuous battle, like water through our fingers. We seek to grasp it, and upon a satisfaction we feel from the water in our hands, we let it all slip away.

They say karma's a bitch.

I guess they never felt a wake up call like mine.

drumstarr @ 2008-04-07T17:43:00

2008-04-07T09:52:55Z

Much too adorable.

I love being single, I really do... but sometimes you can't help but miss that someone special... and your private, special moments. Kate Bosworth and her uber hunky model boytoy James Rousseau don't make it easier for us single people either. I saw this picture, and it makes me miss having a boyfriend. It doesn't help that they're both amazingly hot too, apart from looking extremely loveydovey and happy. I guess she deserves it. But still, dammit. Damn her. Don't get me wrong, I'm all yay! to the single life, but hey, you can't help but miss this too.

drumstarr @ 2008-03-27T10:37:00

2008-03-27T03:03:55Z

You know how there are those months when there is absolutely no good movie to watch? (Thank God for Art Cinema) and you succumb to watching totally mundane or really stupid movies (ie, slapstick no-brainers)

Well, now it seems as if they brought in a tidal wave of AMZINGIWANNAFUCKINGWATCHTHAT movies that I can't wait to see! DAMNNNN! I guess them cinemas are going to be extorting much money from me these coming weeks. These, I really REALLY can't wait for:

INDIANA JONES

Growing up a daddy's girl (or boy, actually, since the lack of male offspring made my dad share his manliness to me instead) I LOVED the Indiana Jones movies. There's something about those rough-and-tough action films that get you hooked on the screen the entire time. I'm not a big Harrison Ford fan, but the way he made Indie's character clever, tough and hilarious in a dry-wit kind of way just make him so appealing to watch. It just makes you want to get lost in some unknown jungle with him, in search for some lost chalice/crystal/temple. The new one doesn't seem to give any less action or excitement, espousing with the classic Ford action modern techniques on film -which I'm sure would make it more than worth your money. I guess we can only hope that the story line remains just as good.

Plus, it's the Lucas-Spielberg dynamic duo. ANYONE would pay BIG money for that alone.

IRON MAN

I'm a comic book junkie, so I can't wait to see Tony Stark, and his Stark Enterprise created alter ego. Although I'm more Pro-Captain America, who doesn't love the Marvel's (little less yummy) version of the Batman? AND RDjr is playing him, so that should make for an interesting watch.

FORBIDDEN KINGDOM

Two names: Jackie Chan. Jet Li. Need I say more? It looks FUCKING amazing. All that martial arts action! TANGINA you just gotta cuss watching it (tangina, trailer pa lang) I don't even care if there's no point in the story, I'm just going to watch it for the kick-butt.

SPEED RACER

Looks a little mundane, and Christina Ricci makes me shudder in my seat, but I want to watch it for memory-lane's sake. I used to love Speed Racer, and the movie looks half-decent, with it's cartoon-come-to-life cinematography. Plus, Emile Hirsch has always been a-drool-able, ever since dangerous lives of altar boys.

THE DARK KNIGHT

It looks PERFECT. Cinematography's PERFECT. Directing's PERFECT. Acting's PERFECT. Story's PERFECT. I think of all the movies to wait for, this is the one that can't seem to come any earlier. I mean, even if I'm more of a Marvel girl, who doesn't fucking love Batsy? Plus, added bonus on the Heath Ledger (rest his soul) version of the Joker, which makes Jack's version look like a joke -no pun intended. Another cheer is that my boyfriend, Christian Bale, is back in the Batsuit. The screen just can't get any hotter. I would pay millions (if I had them to spare) for this movie to be shown at an earlier date. But I guess I need to settle for waiting like every other Batfanatic.

Still looking forward to in the near future:

The Hobbit
Wolverine (aaaahhhhh!)
Confessions of a Shopaholic (I still think Kate Hudson would have been cuter for the part)

and for a moment, the rest of the world stops.

2008-03-21T07:49:06Z

The Philippines has always been a country abundant in colorful traditions and cultural practices, one of the more vibrant ones being the observance of Holy Week. I have always had a particular fondness for this time of the year, despite the insufferable heat it brings along with it. Perhaps it is because this is the only time when the barriers that divide our nation melt, and we become one in our utterly unique, and clearly Filipino religious practices. We all do our mini-pilgrimage to seven churches, more popularly known for it's Filipino name of Bisita Iglesia. We're all bringing out those Way of the Cross booklets, dusty from being forgotten until it is Good Friday. And as a nation, we close down the doors to commercial areas, and open the ones for deep prayer and fasting. Whether you are in the city, or out in the provinces enjoying this small vacation (and for many my age, the taste of the upcoming summer vacation) there's no denying that some part of these Lenten practices are espoused with your day's itinerary.

Which brings me back to my original idea that Holy Week breaks down those walls that have so painfully divided our nation - the political controversies, agrarian difficulties, land wars and the ever present class divide. The rich and the marginalized, the politicians and their constituents, enemies and friends, the corrupt and the just, the bad and the good, all flock to the multifarious churches in our pre-dominantly Catholic country, not much caring for who they stand beside, for in these three days of our Lord, we all stand alike in our Faith.

Taking a step back to observe our country in this religious time of the year, I can't help but wonder what makes it so different from the rest of the year. How is it that for these four days, we can set aside all our differences and come together as one, and yet once easter is over we go back to being a nation whose headlines are constantly far from positive? Why is that we can't seem to strengthen this unity, so alive during the Holy Week, and turn it into one that can benefit our country and finally create a TRUE democratic nation?

If we remember what this week is all about, that the true meaning of Christ's death is not merely the salvation of our souls, but a constant reminder that this salvation does not die in Christ but is born in each of us, then perhaps we are a people worth saving. And perhaps the salvation of this nation is not yet a hope that is lost.

Right now, one can only pray that the beauty of our Holy Week continues to burn as the week comes to an end, and this religious flame slowly dies away.

drumstarr @ 2008-01-27T22:01:00

2008-01-27T14:02:31Z

My wonderful wonderful prince of a friend Tonichi sent this in reply to my last post, and it really made me feel so much better. Thanks Tonich!

Girls are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree.
The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid
of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing.

They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one
who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

drumstarr @ 2008-01-22T19:04:00

2008-01-22T11:26:22Z

Dear Mr. Perfect,

First of all, if you're so perfect then why is it that I haven't met you yet? Perfect men seem to be a scarcity as of the moment -the ones that don't end up breaking your heart in the end at least. So, I'm wondering why a man like you wouldn't have a reputation that will reach Timbuktu. Is it because your so perfect that modesty is a quality on your list? Personally, I think it's high time that you show yourself, since many of us single women are waiting (impatiently, I might add) for you.

It's tiring, really. Being with so many different men and realizing that he's not you. Sure, people always say that every heartbreak is a lesson gained, and someday we'll all use these lessons for better judgment. But I'd still like to state the obvious -it's still a heartache to go through all these breaking moments, and some of us would like to be spared of these painful points in our lives.

The problem with this though, is that it's even more painful to be lonely than to be broken. Because at least (even with the knowledge of the impending heartbreak) there's still someone that makes you smile as of the moment. Most women, though, would like the security of knowing that she finally has her Mr.Perfect and not her Mr.Perfect-for-now to be less lonely with.

So with that, I'd like to remind you to please hurry up and get your ass on that steed of yours and come rescue me from this endless succession of mistakes I've made in love (or lust, whichever) Also, a little reminder that Valentines is coming up. I've never been a fan of the Single Awareness movement, so maybe you could spare me from being so bitter on this lovely Hallmark created holiday.

Waiting,

Ms. Hopeless Romantic

Ps. I like Godiva Truffles, and my favorite flowers are Stargazers. Just thought this information would perhaps make you move a little faster.

Bea misses Ateneo

2007-12-06T04:33:11Z

I never thought I'd say it, but I miss Ateneo.

I miss cursing at the lack of parking and the disappointing state of the parking lots;

I miss rushing for a quick smoke before class -even if the second bell rang already;

I miss heading to the nescafe vending machine in between classes for a quick coffee break,

I miss going to the som mall to eat in the middle of LitCrit class -cause the teacher never noticed I was gone;

I miss catching up with people in the smoket;

I miss having to ask people "Second bell na ba yun?"

I miss pretending I'm on the phone when I pass a guard and I don't have my ID;

I miss grabbing a wrap from healthy kitchen when I head to class from a lunch break meeting;

I miss killing a good twenty minutes in the smoket when the class (or the teacher) is useless;

I miss rushing a paper in the comp lab and realizing the line for printing is so damn long;

I miss photocopying readings thick enough to knock someone out;

I miss hanging out at the bench;

I miss the berch smoket;

I miss sleeping or seeing all the random things happening in the sanggu room;

I miss picking which slippers to wear to school;

I miss heading over to blue finn or cantina after class when there's nothing to do the next day;

I miss cramming for tests in the third floor of the library (so I can take short naps in between);

I miss studying in starbucks with a white chocolate mocha, or in the smoking room of seattles with their chai tea latte;

most of all I miss the people. I miss seeing familiar faces everyday, I miss everyone being a building away and being able to plan something after class.

Boo this move. I wanna go back! Someone take me back.

drumstarr @ 2007-09-17T22:19:00

2007-09-17T14:22:24Z

I just want to be loved.

I really really do.

SO LOVE ME BACK, DAMMIT!

one great essay. good work eli.

2007-09-17T14:06:05Z

Sa mga mahal kong Atenista
by Eli Convocar

Bakit pag suspension of classes, dress code at smocket ang usapan, ang bilis kumalat ng balita, tapos kapag mahahalagang bagay at proyekto hindi?

Atenista, elitista ka nga, ngunit ano nga ba ang maipagmamayabang mo? Mabuti pa ang mga dekadang nakalipas kung saan mayabang nga ang mga Atenista sapagkat mayroon silang maipagmamayabang talaga. Maipagmamayabang ba ang partisipasyon sa mga organisasyong pumaparti lang at kumikita ng maraming pera? Maipagmamayabang ba ang pagiging patapon sa mga klase ngunit nakaka-alas pa rin kayo? Maipagmamayabang ba ang paglalaban kuno sa mga karapatan ng mag-aaral habang tinatalikuran ang mga tungkulin nito?

Ang buhay ay hindi lamang tungkol sa pamumuhay sa palasyo mong may aircon at suot-suot mo ang panyo mong ginawa mong tshirt at pekpek shorts. Papakialaman mo lang ba talaga ang may direktang koneksyon sa pamumuhay-mayaman mo? Tapos magpapanggap kang may pakialam ka sa mga kababayan mo kasi nag NSTP o JEEP o Immersion naman na di mo naman gagawin kung hindi ito kailangan para sa iyong grado.

Iangat muli ang kalidad ng pagka-Atenista.

Kung ayaw niyo sa isang paaralan na may prinsipyo at paniniwalang olistiko

Kung gusto niyo lang ng mataas na marka nang hindi nagtatrabaho

Kung gusto niyo lang dalhin ang pangalan ng isang paaralan kahit wala kayong maitutulong sa pagpapaangat ng pangalan na ito

Kung ayaw niyo gamitin ang utak niyo bago magsalita tungkol sa ibang bagay, o kung gusto niyolang husgahan na walang basehan ang mga taong may tunay na pag-aaruga sa inyo

E di lumipat ka na. Dun ka sa Taft, sa Diliman, sa Morayta. O mabuti pa, dahil kahit ang mga eskwelahan na iba ay may prinsipyo rin, dun ka na lang sa Call Center, kung saan magagamit mo ang conyong Ingles mo nang todo-todo. Problema lang, kahit sa call center may dress code.

drumstarr @ 2007-08-08T22:27:00

2007-08-08T14:32:45Z

I guess I always knew this sun would eventually set sometime, but I never expected it to start setting this fast. How coincidental, there's quite a storm outside. Perfect emo weather.

You'd think, by this time, I'd be used to heartaches na. Maybe I expected too much from me. Sigh. I need a big hug.

drumstarr @ 2007-07-05T19:45:00

2007-07-05T11:57:12Z

You how there are moments when you feel sad for no apparent reason? Well, my moment seemed to enjoy itself enough to linger on for a whole entire day. I can't seem to fathom the mystery of why I can't understand my feelings. It's an emptiness of sorts, like I'm missing something in my life and my heart's just going to remain heavy until I find it.

Luckily the weather seemed to agree with me today. The best way to enjoy a bad mood is a good thunderstorm.

I need someone to complete me. Or maybe I just need a good hug. Common! Cheer up the emo kid!

drumstarr @ 2007-06-13T00:51:00

2007-06-12T16:53:18Z

When I'm weak, I draw strength from you.
When you're lost, I know how to change your mood.
When I'm down, you breathe life over me.

Even though we're lost about it, we are each others destiny.

drumstarr @ 2007-06-05T04:20:00

2007-06-04T20:21:51Z

Why can't you just let me live my own fucking life?

(I noticed I do these one-liner entries a lot. Haha)

drumstarr @ 2007-05-29T18:29:00

2007-05-29T10:31:49Z

I'm permanently happy now. Really happy. :)

Finally.

This is how my brain works when I'm really sleepy.

2007-05-11T17:28:20Z

I've come to realize that in my life, love has always been like a sunrise of sorts. Perhaps, if I were watching my love (life?) slowly unravel itself, I would notice that there would always be a brilliance seeping through whatever darkness I have encompassed myself in at that point in time. Then suddenly, everything turns into this beautiful shade of morning blue that never fails to allow me a sort of ephemeral bliss. It caresses me into a kind of tranquility, a serene calmness that has never failed to leave a smile playing on my lips. And for a moment, I forget about the darkness that had just elapsed, allowing myself to remain in this moment of satisfaction.

Unfortunately, it is this same sun that, later in the day, enfolds me in an intolerable and uncontrollable heat, allowing me to forget that the beautiful sunrise ever happened. Then it slowly dies away, and once again the darkness seeps into the sky.

I wonder how many sunsets I have to endure to finally get a sunrise that I can experience endlessly? Don't get me wrong, I'll always love the sunsets that have gone, because of the warmth that they have allowed me to feel before they set.

I guess this is my contemplation of sorts. I know that one more sunrise may perhaps be lingering in the background, and once again I become the dreamer that wishes this one won't have to set.

Oh well, Rajo Laurel. I'll have to wait and see. Right now, I'll just be a happy happy girl.

drumstarr @ 2007-05-04T22:54:00

2007-05-04T15:05:29Z

You make me smile.:) I guess it's just me, but I look forward to conversations with you. Too bad you had to go so fast.

Sometimes, I just want to scream "I like you!" but... yeah. Tact, Bea, tact. (Like this is being fucking tactful :p)

I just wish you knew how you make me feel.

(Fuck this cheese! Haha. Ohwell. Feelings are feelings. :D)

random update. haha

2007-04-23T10:42:48Z

Here is how my oh-so-unproductive summer goes:

Morning: Wake up and cram whatever I can for class that day, get ready then rush to school.

Right before bell (9am): rush to the som smoket to do some ass-kissing to my polsci teacher (and cram a smoke at the same time).

Polsci (9am): try to get some sleep, or take messy notes while listening to rafa make fun of my a)toe nails b)boys c)filipino d)"ifugao heritage"(with Ian!) e)other

Lunch (1030-12): Practice speaking in filipino for history with Rafa. It adds to his list of things-to-make-fun-of-bea-with, but at least I practice. Plus, his expression gets funnier when I start to sing. Or have lunch with Paolo and the others who don't have class.

Right before bell (12nn): Drag Rafa to sec smoket to go ** spotting. I noticed he's usually there at that time. Teehee. I'm such a GIRL!

History: I spend three-fourths of the time praying that I won't be called. Rafa, on the other hand, spends the same amount of time hoping that I would.

Rest of the day: I'm either a)drinking b)high (4/20!! Hellyeah) c)asleep d)in a meeting (which is usually the same as asleep) e)watching my friends make me "laglag" with him f)"studying" (which is usually the same as talking on ym or on the phone)

good news for me though! I got an A in a polsci quiz that I totally bullshitted. Cheers. I ALSO recited in History, with NO MISTAKES in my filipino (to Rafa's dismay) AND I can finally talk to him like a normal human being (and I even drove for him -cause he didn't know how to figure the car out. yeaah girlpower)

I hope this week will be just as unproductively fun!

drumstarr @ 2007-04-17T22:25:00

2007-04-17T14:26:59Z

You'll always be the Robin to my Batman (I'm Batman!) I still want the award.:(

Go move mountains. But you'll be missed in Ateneo.

From Fen's entry:

2007-04-12T13:14:37Z

And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my bea.

Which movie was this quote from?

drumstarr @ 2007-04-08T21:38:00

2007-04-08T14:14:37Z

Interesting new (or not so new?)and true (or not so true?) Hollywood hookups:

1) Hayden Christiansen and Rachel Bilson
2) Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds
3) Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal

and of course, my personal favorite:

4) Matt Long and Bea Nakpil

So cheers to the new lovers, since we all know everyone needs one. :D teehee.

drumstarr @ 2007-04-04T19:55:00

2007-04-04T11:58:25Z

THE LETTER A
Are you available?: YEAH!
What is your age?: 19
What annoys you?: Guys who think they’re the shit.

THE LETTER B
Do you live in a big house?: Er, big enough for my little family. Haha.
When is your birthday?: July 25, 1987
Who is your best friend?: Mindy (for almost 14 years)

THE LETTER C
What's your favorite candy?: Watermelon or strawberry anything.
Who's your crush?: Hehe. Let’s call him Mr. Mysterious.
When was the last time you cried?: An hour ago.

THE LETTER D
Do you daydream?: All the time!
What's your favorite kind of dog?: My dog –a golden retriever
What day of the week is it?: Wednesday

THE LETTER E
How do you like your eggs?: I love eggs benedict.
Have you ever been in the emergency room?: Quite a number of times, actually.
What's the easiest thing ever to do?: Sex. Kidding.

THE LETTER F
Have you ever flown in a plane?: Yes.
Do you use fly swatters?: Err. No.

THE LETTER G
Do you chew gum?: Hardly.
Are you a giver or a taker?: Both.
Do you like gummy candies?: LOVE.:D

THE LETTER H
How are you?: Tired.
What color is your hair?: Brown.

THE LETTER I
What's your favorite ice cream?: Limoncello.
Have you ever ice skated?: Yes.

THE LETTER J
What's your favorite jelly?: Red Jello.
Do you wear jewelry?: All the time.

THE LETTER K
Who do you want to kill?: No one right now.
Do you want kids?: I want one. Or two max.

THE LETTER L
Are you laid back?: Super. I think.
Do you lie?: Yeah.

THE LETTER M
What's your favorite movie?: Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels.
Do you like mangoes?: Yup.

THE LETTER N
Do you have a nickname?: Bea. From Gabrielle Denise. Imagine.
Whats your favorite number?: 6
Do you prefer night over day?: Night.

THE LETTER O
What's your one wish?: That I could heal a broken heart fast.
Are you an only child?: YUUUP!

THE LETTER P
What one fear are you most paranoid about?: Failing.
What personality trait you look for in people?: Sincerity and genuineness.

THE LETTER Q
What's your favorite quote?: Insanity hides behind the cloak of rationality.

THE LETTER R
Do you think you're always right?: Of course. Kidding.

THE LETTER S
Do you prefer sun or rain?: Both.

THE LETTER T
What time is it?: 7:49pm
What time did you wake up?: Around 8am
When was the last time you slept in a tent?: Long time ago.

THE LETTER U
Are you wearing underwear?: Yeah.

THE LETTER V
What's the worst veggie: Eggplant.
Where do you want to go on vacation?: Maldives. Or Ibiza.

THE LETTER W
What's your worst habit?: Smoking.
Where do you live?: QC-Marikina.
What's your worst fear?: Failing.

THE LETTER X
Have you ever had an x-ray?: Yes.
Have you seen the x-games?: Watched it on the telly.
Do you own a xylophone?: before…

THE LETTER Y
Do you like the color yellow?: Yeah, well. I wore it for 11 years. Haha.
What's one thing you yearn for?: Being loved again.

THE LETTER Z
What's your zodiac sign?: Leo. Rar.
Do you believe in the zodiac?: Sometimes.
Favorite zoo animal?: Lions. Haha.

I'm done.

2007-04-04T11:34:49Z

After that brief (but traumatizing) scare in my life, I realized that I'm too dense to be hoping that it would still be you. So, as the song goes: I don't want to wait in vain for your love.

I guess God has his ways of waking me up.

I will now listen to what everyone has been telling me. It's not worth it. (And to everyone who told me this, THANK YOU)

Summer = New summer love
So Uana... I leave this to your expert hands.(I'm actually excited for summer class now!) I just hope he works out.:D Hahahaha.

I hope everyone has a great summer!

drumstarr @ 2007-03-24T20:07:00

2007-03-24T12:09:05Z

I wanted you to fight for me.

(Oh diba? Cliche...)

drumstarr @ 2007-03-23T09:22:00

2007-03-23T01:24:35Z

She asked me if I loved her. I told her it didn’t mean anything but that I didn’t think so.

-The Stranger by Albert Camus

drumstarr @ 2007-03-18T18:34:00

2007-03-18T10:55:37Z

Come and go now as you please
Your actions write the melodies
To those songs that we sing
And you just sing

And I finally found that life goes on without you
And my world still turns when you're not around

Is this the way you want it?
Is this the way it has to be?
Sitting here beside you
But my heart's lost in Naive Orleans
Dreams come clever
Hearts now severed
Deep inside forever
And I am lost there

And I finally found that life goes on without you
And my world still turns when you're not around
And I finally found that life goes on without you
And my world still turns when you're not around
And I finally found that all

Your actions write the melodies
To the songs that we sing
Your actions write the melodies
To the songs that we sing
And you just sing along out loud

Come and go now as you please
Your actions write the melodies
To those songs that we sing
And you just sing

And I finally found that life goes on without you
And the world still turns when you're not around
And I finally found that life goes on without you
And the world still turns when you're not around
And I finally found that all

Your actions write the melodies
To the songs that we sing
Your actions write the melodies
To the songs that we sing
And you just sing along out loud

-Anberlin/Naive Orleans

I fly
I soar
This I adore
And then like a locomotive
The sound of your sorrow comes
I’m tired of the way that it feels
I only apologized to you to make you feel better
But I think I’ve outgrown that horsehair sweater
I’d rather be alone
You’re about as reliable as paper shoes in bad weather
But pain will roll off like water on feather
You’d fly
You’d soar
But then like a locomotive
The sound of your sorrow comes
I’m tired of the way that it feels
I only apologized to you to make you feel better
But I think I’ve outgrown that horsehair sweater
I’d rather be on my own
You’re about as reliable as paper shoes in bad weather
But pain will roll off like water on feathers

-Incubus/Paper Shoes

These eyes they're strongly covered in disguise
they're waiting on the real time again
you'll see that no one knows for sure

For all of this
I'm better off without you
do you regret all
your loneliness

This ride is drifting slowly to the side
we're swerving off the road
going past the cones that warned us from the start

For all of this
I'm better off without you
do you regret all
your loneliness

For all of this
I'm better off without you
do you regret all
your loneliness

(every day goes, every night goes)
On and on we sing this song
the entire day that's oh so long
every night we sing this song for you

For all of this
I'm better off without you
do you regret all
your loneliness

For all of this
I'm better off without you
do you regret all
your loneliness

-The Early November/I Want to Hear You Sad

I hope you're happy now.